Sitting and enjoying a relaxing sunny Sunday afternoon with no to-do list, I felt the urge to write and let everyone know how different my life is now. For the first time in years, I do not have chores to do or work to catch up on, I don't even have to cook a meal for anyone!
In the past, work was just part of normal family life, but I now realise that much of the labour was created by William as a way of keeping both Connor and myself chained to the house. Many families plan some downtime and spend a few hours doing family orientated activities.
Not for us, we didn’t get to have that luxury. William would have a plan of work mapped out for us. This was usually something hot and dusty if it was a beautiful summer’s day.
Over time both Connor and I developed our itinerary to escape. Connor’s would be a visit to a schoolmate’s house or a shift as a waiter at one of the local pubs. For me, I used to go slow on the taxi service for Connor and often find a reason to stay out and away from the farm.
On occasions, William decided we could go to the local fete or show. He would generally want to take a horse or something he could show off to anyone who listened. Very often it was Connor and me who were roped in with the preparations and shampooing and cleaning the horses ready for the event. The benefit was that at least we got time to ourselves when we got to the show. William would be busy proclaiming all the hard work was his and making sure he was in the photographs. For Connor and I, it meant we could go and spend time enjoying the rest of the show.
Now that I’m free and Connor has flown the nest as it were, it is a luxury to be able to sit and read a book in the sunshine. I appreciate the slow, mellow warmth of the sun and smile at the blue sky. It is wonderful to be able to indulge myself this way and I think it is very healing. My batteries are gradually recharging and I can enjoy time just for me.
I do hope those of you on a similar journey will be able to enjoy some self-care and self-indulgence very soon. There were good times with William, but it takes days like this to remind me that now, the good times are unconditional, whereas before, in my marriage, there were always conditions attached.