I have recently been told that I have never put finance high enough on my values list. This made me stop and think of all that I have done with finances and although the gains may not be material, I think I have been very lucky to have had funds to get me through and make amazing memories.
I don’t consider wealth to be just what my bank balance says. I believe I have vast riches with some of the memories I can grow old with and those I have created for others. In fact, having less money has led me to this opportunity in Spain. I came here to feel safe and be able to live on a relatively small income. Guess what, it is an amazing life full of simplicity, good friends, sunshine and smiles.
I have finally been able to pay off all my debts, much of which were incurred when I was still married to William. I was the one who had all the debt in my name and when we divorced I was convinced by William that I was solely responsible for these debts. Guilt and shame, as well as William’s coercion, played their part in me failing to include them in our divorce settlement. Bearing this alone has been a grave worry for several years, and there is massive relief now that I am finally free of them.
There are times when the worry has taken over my being, but the lessons I have learned about how to deal with the burden and what to do to get a positive resolution, are invaluable.
I would never again be afraid or ashamed to disclose debt, especially that which isn’t just mine and should have been a joint responsibility. Financial abuse is all too often unseen and disguised. Now I know better and can recognise the warning signs.
I want to make the most of this new found freedom and also use my learnings to help others. I believe that my experience is not unique in the world of domestic abuse and I want to offer others who have a need some help if I can.
If you are in a difficult financial situation caused by an abusive partner, maybe you would like a free confidential chat about how to break the cycle. I am here for you and waiting for you to get in touch. Together we can develop a plan for your safety and future financial recovery.
Please don’t get into as much of a mire as I did before you seek advice and get help.