I now understand that a narcissist is mainly only concerned about themself. Consequently, I do not think that many of them would be very excited about any of those times that celebrate another's life or death. I do not believe they consider anyone, and life is solely about their ego. Indeed with William, I came to understand that if I weren't worshipping his every move, then he would make sure I didn't give attention to anyone else. I am not a religious person, but I did take Connor along to the local church at such times. I wanted to try and make sure that he had a general view of the world to make informed decisions about all his life choices, including religion and politics.
As with other holiday times throughout the year, William played it down and rarely wanted to join in the fun with the children. 'Work' always called. It was very often the beginning of the lambing season in our area, and William would use that as an excuse not to join in. Connor and I joined him on many occasions to help with all the work. This often included nights touring the fields to check the sheep. It was busy, but I tried to make it a fun time for Connor. I organised egg hunts for him and his friends and then a special tea. William constantly criticised these, and I always thought it was because of the workload. I now recognise that William seemed unable of a typical parental response and never wanted to give his son or me any of his time. With my first husband, we had always had fun together with our girls, but we weren't working on a farm, and for years I believed it was the farming that was causing our difficulties.
It was also that time of year that I finally decided to petition for a divorce. William had told me our finances were even more precarious than usual and that we needed to 'pull out the stops and get some money into the bank. I had been working hard at my own business and often into the night. One client remarked that he had received emails from me at 2 am regularly! We had some poultry ready for Easter, and I managed to sell most of it. I told William and asked if he and the family could help with the plucking and dressing to fulfil the orders. This was refused for a variety of reasons, the main one being lambing. So I set about doing all the work myself, which took the best part of a week, to fulfil the orders. I returned home after finishing and delivering all the poultry exhausted. When William got home that evening, he let slip that he had been to his Mum's for lunch and spent the afternoon relaxing.
I had had many conversations about his penchant for hiding at his Mum's while I worked 24 hours a day and realised that life was never going to change unless I made a change. I still didn't realise I was married to a narcissist, but I realised that the time had come for me to do something for me before I gave up the will to live.
