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“You can now afford to pay your dues! I hope you don’t think going back to court will be a bed of roses for you. Whatever.”

This is just one little illustration of the sort of  ‘love letters’ I received when I thought the whole saga would finish and before I realised it was possibly a narcissist I was divorcing!

Maybe, like me, many people who have suffered abuse, particularly when part of it is coercive control and financial abuse, are embarrassed or ashamed of it.  Possibly they are still recovering or in a better place and not wanting to revisit such difficult memories.  I wanted to read articles which others, who have gone before, had written, in order to get a handle on how they coped and survived. Most important for me was some ideas and self-help for survivors of this kind of control on how to regain their lives.  


As I didn’t find much of any help, I decided to journal my thoughts and experiences in the hope that some of what I experienced can be of support to others.

"Written by a wise survivor, this little book will be of use to anyone who has experienced a bad relationship (or knows anyone who has).


The book tells the story of how Trish Valleys broke free from a controlling domestic abuse perpetrator after many years of suffering. Trish's story includes issues that are rarely talked about: non-violent domestic abuse, abuse in small rural towns, the long battle of post-separation abuse, legal and economic abuse, the sexist responses that women still get from some professionals when they seek help, and how perpetrators only get away with much of their abuse through the (often unintentional) complicity of various systems and professionals.


Throughout the book Trish includes helpful advice to current survivors to help them achieve quicker and less expensive escapes to freedom." - Dr Emma Katz, Ph.D. Liverpool Hope University.

"I have spent the whole of this morning reading your book. I think it is really the most enormous long and tortuous journey you have been on, over the course of the years I had forgotten or put to the back of my mind some of the wicked details that he had subjected you to. I can only say that I think you are the most marvellous person to have come through such an experience and still be so positive about your life and future." 

     ~ One Reader's comments of my book

Trish x

Excerpts from the Foreword by
Professor Kristy Lee Hochenberger

PhD in Psychology, Syracuse University, New York, USA

Narcissism  Expert for 'Psychology Today'


​"Absolutely anyone can fall victim to a narcissist.  Trish’s story is a painful yet revealing look into being locked under a narcissist’s control and how it dismantles one’s identity and self-worth.   

Trish has provided a rich and detailed account of the experiences of living with a narcissist. She shows us that while we can be broken, we can also be reborn. Trauma, grief, and growth are all processes that put the human spirit on trial and Trish’s life shows us that we can come out on the other side better, stronger, and wiser. 

Look to Trish’s story as a guide for waking up from the nightmares and moving forward into light. If you find yourself reflected in her words, realize that you are not alone."

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